Our New Social Scene Columnist Gets “Boxed In” at Ruby’s

MyRye.com welcomes our newest columnist Pamela Baur. Pamela will be covering Rye's social scene. Be sure to add your comments below and let us know what you think we should be covering. Welcome Pamela.

Thinking about the best way of introducing myself to you all, I’m having that “what do I say” moment that comes over me like when you fill out a match.com profile (which is probably why you won’t find me on there!) I am however, a single woman living in Rye, and I’m here to share with you what that experience is like.

Each month we will offer you my light-hearted impressions of the social & singles scene of Rye, covering topics like what other places are there to go to mix and mingle with singles other than the bar (I’m convinced there are some), is it possible to date with out being “online”?, and WHAT is the deal with the Pub!?

I was born and raised in South Hadley Massachusetts, which if you’re not familiar with where that is, it’s far enough west that I do not have a Boston accent, but yes am a Red Sox fan. I moved to Rye in June of 2007 after living in Italy where I was working in a small town outside of Milan. Living in a village of 400 non-English speaking Italians is a challenge, but I have to say, after my first year living in this community, I’ve realized Rye has some culture shock experiences of its own.

The first challenge I’ve been faced with as a Rye foreigner is how to avoid being boxed in! This is not an issue of Ruby’s (one of Diana Tapper's favorite restaurants) being overcrowded on a Friday night, but more about the how to get through the sizing-up questions my girlfriends and I have been bombarded with while enjoying a glass of wine at the bar. These questions are ones with answers offering little information about who we really are, and they feel like a pre-requisite questionnaire constructed to determine the direction of the conversation and category we fall under.

The boxing-in approach goes like this:

• Question 1: “Who do you work for?”
• Question 2: “What do you do there?”
• Question 3: “Where do you live?”
• Question 4: “Oh, you live on Purchase Street, Really?
• Question 5: “Do you rent or own?”
• Question 6: “Which part of Purchase Street?”

Guys, we’re two minutes in and you haven’t even asked our names and are more interested in our employer’s name, job title and you want to know more precisely where we live!??!  Are you really still wondering why the conversation isn’t flowing?

If you’d like to talk about Rye, how about giving these a try?

• Question 1: “Oh, you’re not from here, what’s your favorite thing about Rye?”
• Question 2: “Where is your favorite place to spend time in Rye on the weekends?” (If yours is the Pub, keep that one under your hat).
• Question 3: When in doubt, throw in some Rye trivia like – “Did you know Rye is where they filmed scenes from the movie BIG? (great lead-in to suggest walking along the boardwalk – this one I can vouch for as a winning angle – it worked very well on my first date in Rye).

Of course, the message here is not to discourage you from approaching, and young single women definitely enjoy when you take a genuine interest in them and it’s not all about you. I would simply encourage you to think about what you like to talk about for fun or what you tell someone to help them know you better (I’m pretty sure it’s not where you live).

So please, don’t box us in, we like our space and a more gradual “how do you do", and above everything else, please do not ask us how it is possible we are still single! That is not a real question, or a compliment, and I can assure you we did not come out to have a glass of wine or enjoy dinner to share our relationship past with a complete stranger.

Pamela Baur has enjoyed living in Rye since 2007. She works as a project manager with a local entrepreneurial business development firm.