By Laura Witman, LCSW, Rye Youth Council
Rye Youth Council joins the community in mourning the death of a local youth and RHS alumnus. Our love and support are with the young person’s family and friends. We hope the following information will support parents and other caring adults in helping children manage this sad and tragic loss.
Dealing with a sudden death can be shocking and hard to grasp. As adults, most of us have acquired a variety of coping skills to deal with such difficult news. Teenagers and children are more vulnerable and can be impacted in a multitude of ways when someone dies unexpectedly.
Many of us aren’t sure how to approach a conversation with a grieving young person. This is when people may make the least helpful choice of all — to say nothing. This may be interpreted as you don’t care, aren’t available, can’t cope, or aren’t confident they can cope.
Some will want to talk about it, but others may not want to talk at all and might become annoyed when you broach the topic. DO let your child know that you understand and respect their desire to talk or not talk. Let them know you care and that you are there for them.
Consider the following when talking to someone who is grieving.
- Be direct with your words, and don’t use euphemisms.
- Each person’s experience is unique. Don’t assume you know how they feel or what they’re going through.
- Don’t minimize their experience. Statements that begin with “At least” are likely to discourage or silence true expressions of grief.
What can you say or do that might be helpful? Use open-ended questions. Some examples:
- How are you doing? How are you feeling?
- What are some memories you have about the person?
- Tell me more about what this past week has been like for you.
- What has helped you in the past to get through tough moments?
- I am here for you, how can I help?
- Allow for the constructive expression of grief: writing letters, drawing pictures, etc
Grief looks different for different people and at different ages. It can seem like someone may be sad, angry, withdrawn, or maybe they look just fine. It is hard to know how someone is feeling until you connect, listen, and ask. Not understanding their reactions may lead to misinterpretation. What may present as misbehavior and/or disrespect for others may be pain and suffering. How long it may take for people to adjust to loss will vary, but most people are not “over a loss” in six months or even a year. As such, appropriate support should be planned for the immediate aftermath, the months following the loss, and for the longer term.
For immediate crisis:
- National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 (24/7/365)
- Westchester County Crisis Prevention & Response Line 914-925-5959
For local support and counseling:
- Bereavement Center of Westchester https://www.bcwtreehouse.org/
https://www.bcwtreehouse.org/school-community-programs/school-crisis-response/
- Rye Youth Council Restore Counseling (for counseling and referrals)
restore@ryeyouthcouncil.org or call (914) 222-0988; M–F 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m
- School Social Workers/ Counselors
